Simplify, simplify (4-6)

Occasionally I read the personal blogs from other students in this class, but not very regularly. For some reason, I decided to sit down for a while this week and catch up on what my fellow MAs hve been saying. I have to say that as much as we have talked about blogs in class and the benefits they can have, I’m just not sure that I “like” reading other’s blogs, and it is not because of the actual act of reading. Rather, I guess I feel like I become involved in the life of the blogger, and I tend to identify too much with their problems/difficulties/frustrations. In some ways, I guess it is comforting to read others’ blogs because I know they are going through some of the same difficulties I am: worries about handling the work load, fears about teaching and the future in general, complications in relationships with others, etc. In fact, sometimes it makes me extremely grateful that my life is as wonderful as it is. But then, I want to make others’ lives wonderful, and I just can’t solve everyone’s problems. There is also the fact that I tend to compare what another student is doing to what I am doing, and I almost always end up feeling inadequate. I hear about the papers they are writing, the jobs they are juggling, the skills they are developing, and I feel like I have so little to offer my professors, my students, my friends, and my family. But, as I am thinking about all of these thoughts, I am also remembering what I learn in my weekly yoga class that I went to today. (They offer yoga through the student health center, and I would highly recommend it for anyone who is interested.) Every week, the instructor reminds us that yoga is not about comparing ourselves to anyone else in the class. She stresses our individuality, and she repeatedly says that as long as we are feeling sensation, we are doing our practice perfectly. Well, if I try to keep that in mind, I shouldn’t feel so bad. Am I challenged in grad school? Definitely. Am I learning? Certainly—I’m probably not learning as much in class as I could, and I’m learning more outside of class than I expected, but that’s probably not a bad thing. Am I happy? Actually, yeah, I have every reason to be grateful and happy if I just stick to my own standards and quit trying to fit everyone else’s. And maybe the yoga idea applies to the reading that I’ve been doing about responding to students’ papers, particularly “less is more.” I think the whole I idea behind both yoga and responding is to quit worrying about trying to do everything perfectly, and just try to do a few things to the best of your ability. That may be the best way learning can happen. The problem is, I write this like it is a new idea to me, but it completely isn’t. I can’t remember a time when I haven’t struggled to be satisfied doing the best I can at a few things and being happy than trying to fit everyone else’s definition of what I should be doing. Maybe that comes with being the oldest child, although my youngest brother is just like me. And I think this blog is completely rambling with only a little bit about composition thrown in, but if I can remember to focus my own life and my students’, it probably will be a good thing.

(Oh, and the title for this is thanks to Dr. Barbara Price from Truman--and I'm sure she is quoting an American Lit. author, I just can't remember who--but I find the quote to be wise and yet maddeningly redundant.)